Daniel Lev Shkolnik
Probably the #1 obstacle I see in the way of clients living out their authentic life purpose is the fear of being rejected for who they truly are.
Gabor Mate says that there are two primary needs human beings have:
- The need for love and connection
- The need for authenticity
But when our need for love and connection is threatened, authenticity goes out the window.
We almost always sacrifice our own authentic thoughts, beliefs, and convictions for the sake of love and connection.
And there's a good reason for this.
The most primal mammalian fear — which dates back to our tiny mammalian ancestors, scurrying around in the prehistoric jungles — is the fear of being abandoned and torn to pieces.
If you were excommunicated and lost connection to your tribe, you probably would not survive for long.
Although we no longer live in constant fear of tigers, bears, and giant lizards, the echoes of these survival instincts are hard-coded into us. So much so that when we get attacked and "torn apart" on social media, our bodies and brains react with horror and panic. Unable to tell the difference between physical threat and social threat, we react as if our very lives were at stake. Because in the distant past, social rejection was essentially a death sentence.
This ancient fear is what keeps most people from following through with their inner vision and greater calling in life. Because very often, our vision DEMANDS that we act in a way that's strange or even contrary to the times. Yet we are so confined in protective shells of conformity that we become incapable of delivering our unique gifts and completing our authentic mission in this world.
I heard a phenomenal definition of authenticity by Julian Blanc earlier this week. Speaking from his own experience being caught in a global social media scandal in 2014, he says that "authenticity always comes down to one thing — being OK with being rejected for who you truly are."
He goes on to say that authenticity, rather than being a virtue that people love, is actually something most people are threatened by and try to suppress — both in others and in themselves.
One tell-tale sign that you're not being authentic? Effort.
Effort = Ego.
If it feels effortful, if you're "trying hard" to do or be something — there's probably ego at work.
When we feel anxiety, it means that we're hiding something. We're trying to protect or promote ourselves in some kind of way.
The hidden wisdom of the Taoist saying "follow the path of least resistance," is about following what is natural and authentic to us. What is effortful is often out of alignment with our true Self — the further out of line we are, the more effort is required of us.
When we "Let go" of trying to be something other than what we are, we fall back into alignment. Things become effortless, we flow, we become joyous and easy and clear. And it feels like a great burden has been lifted — a great release of tension in our body and mind that we never even realized we were holding.
Without this authenticity, actualizing our vision is impossible. To live out your life's purpose you have to be OK with being rejected for who you truly are.
Only then you'll be free.
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